THE FUCKIN' DOCTOR

PRANK GOES HORRIBLY AWRY...
Surgeon Sturgeon: Good morning, Doctor Chip.
Doctor Chip: Uggggghhh... Who are you?
SS: I'm Surgeon Sturgeon, the, uh... Chief Medical Officer at this Hospital.
DC: What the hell happened?
SS: You fucked a gas tank.
DC: I what?
SS: You fucked a gas tank.
DC: ... ... ...Again?
SS: Yes, again. I'm afraid we have some bad news for you...
DC: What's that?
SS: ... your Penis is deformed... permanently.
DC: What?
SS: I'm afraid that, uh, the petroleum distillates in the Gasoline
deformed the head of your Penis. Permantly, ya know.
DC: ... you MUST be joking...
SS: Not at all, sir. Here, check out this artist's rendition...



DC: ... OH MY GOD... I will call it... mini-ME... no,
umm, Little Elvis... NO! um, "The Little Doctor"!! .....
SS: Listen, it's really not funny. Look, your dick is permanently fucked up...
DC: ... ummm...
SS: You really need to change all this bad behavior.
DC: Just what do you mean by THAT?
SS: Well, it all started when you were a young man...
... remember how you used to drink yourself into Oblivion?




DC: Hey, look at that! I still had HAIR!
SS: Let's stay on task here, shall we?
DC: ... uhhh...
SS: You should take up the guitar again. You know, something constructive.



DC: What, "unbalanced" isn't constructive?
SS: You kidding? Creative, yes. Constructive?
It's about as constructive as an amputation.



DC: Say, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?
SS: You're the one doin' the crazy stuff here.
DC: It's not crazy...
SS: Yes, fucking a gas tank IS crazy.
DC: Well, I needed content...
SS: Like the time you jumped out of a plane... ?



DC: Hey, that was a GAS!
SS: Yes, I'm sure that the Hopi tribe you that landed on would agree with you...



DC: Hey, I didn't know they were there, ya know it?
SS: Whether you knew it or not doesn't change the fact that you
nearly landed on their Medicine Man. You could have killed him.
DC: Those people loved me by the time I left. They even put me on a Totem Pole.



SS: Only because you unplugged their toilet.
DC: See? THAT is constructive!
SS: No, that's Self-Defense. After all, YOU were the one who plugged it up.
DC: Well, it was all that corn...
SS: Nonetheless, you're dangerous. Now, take that time you went to Egypt...



DC: Yeah! They wanted to put me on the Sphinx!
SS: No, they said you were a sphincter.
DC: You sure?
SS: Very.



DC: What about those Pyramids?
SS: Skylights. On top of a shopping mall.
DC: pffffftt... what about Easter Island?



SS: Easter Island? You defaced an ancient statue... that's a criminal act!
DC: It wasn't so bad...
SS: You're lucky the Authorities havn't caught up with you yet.
DC: Hmmm. Maybe I should take that trip to Greece...



SS: --and do what, exactly? Insult the locals?
DC: Yeah, well... maybe.
SS: You need to find something better.
DC: Like what?



SS: You could become an actor. Ever consider the lead
role in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"?
DC: ... uhhh...



SS: How about being a Test Pilot?
DC: Boring.



SS: Well, you've got to do something besides setting fires...
DC: You can't prove that in a court of Law...



SS: ... and, stop running OVER people...
DC: ... she DESERVED it. she was a Witch.



SS: ... and, no more fucked-up Lemonade. You should never have given
any to that Homeless Guy, either. That was just plain sick and mean.
DC: Well, it had Vodka in it...



SS: You're demented! Just last week, you gave out
boxes of Maggots for the Trick-or-Treaters!
DC: ... plenty of protein, Dude...
SS: I'm just not getting through to you, am I?
DC: Lick me.



SS: You're going to end up in jail, mark my words.
DC: Go piss up a rope, you fuck. I'm gonna go show off my new Dick...


stay safe out there. see ya next week...

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