SUICIDE SOLUTION

SO, YA WANNA DIE, HUH?
I know how this is gonna go. you're one of those people who gets
depressed when the Holidays roll around? maybe missin' an old
boyfriend / gitlfriend / spouse, who broke up with ya when you
didn't deserve it, the bastard? maybe ya never had one 'cause no-
body even notices you? maybe you get upset over some trauma
from the past, like physical and/or mental abuse? maybe you're
one of those anti-social peeps who hates all of Humanity? maybe,
just maybe you're clinically depressed and ya just can't cheer up?
well, my friend, if you've stumbled upon this website today, surf
no further; here at unbalanced, we're here to help! that's right...
... look no further for your Holiday Primer to End It All. ya see,
we believe the world just may be a better place without you... so
why stand in your way? heck, we wanna help! kinda like the little
Public Service Announcement up top, there, we're here to make
sure that your Holiday Plans go off without a hitch this season...
... "Down the road, not across the street"... yup. now, that's how
to slash your wrist, lemme tell ya. you bet. hey, though, maybe
you're a bit squeamish? can't stand the sight of blood? relax, huh?
we're gonna take a nice long Sunday Big Blog look at Suicide today,
so come on... grab yourself a long tall glass of Jonestown Kool-Aid
and a big old jarful of barbiturates... and take a little scroll with us...













... okay, "Across the Street" doesn't work very well, but
"Across the Tracks" is certainly a valid, viable option...












... or, go ahead and Jump. here's a little sign of encouragement
for the Wall Street Banker Bastards to jump... those fucks...












... hey, if ya got depressed friends, maybe you can all
turn it into a Festive Occasion? maybe even a contest...












... shooting yourself is a quick and traditional way to
End It All. come on, Bushie... please... pleeeeeease...












... so is hanging youself, like little Elmo, here.
























less traditional is to electrocute yourself. hey, it is effective,
though, and who are we to criticize if ya wanna catch a buzz?












speaking of buzz, these dudes are definately buzzed...
... they also most certainly wanna die in that pool...











... some of the lesser-known-but-still-fuctional forms of suicide
would include the little-used, "Death by Too Many Fruit Loops"...












... and, the often scoffed-at, "Death by Living Cheese".
ya see? you can indeed eat yourself to death. you bet...












... or, even, "Death by Chinese Restaraunt". painful, this one...
























... you can also drink yourself to death... but, the chances are
you just wake up with a Hangover. this one's tough to pull off...












... but not this one, "Death by Sex with a Fat Chick". ugghh.












there's indirect forms of suicide, like pissing off the military...












... and pissing off another government. these
people are pretty fucking stupid, alright...












... I mean, they blow themselves up and stuff.
it is a good option for suicide~ if ya got Enemies.
























there's also the Hideous and Disgusting, "Death by WalMart".












yup. this Bear ended up at WalMart, and look how he
ended up. little bastard, he didn't even leave a note...












... even the Lego guy hates it at WalMart...












... but, they do have this swell new
"Suicide Bomber Barbie Play Set".




alright, now go and do somethin' about it, already.
you're getting me depressed...

last week's Big Blog